Echo

Here is the echo of my body

as it once was

and here are my hands,

all that's left to look after me

You might never understand

what it is to lose it all

everything but a thread

of what you were before

Life replaced in just one moment

diagnosis in your ears

sling it with the answer to the one thing that you ask -

-'there's no cure"

But I keep on believing

though my hope wrings over thorny ground

I will keep on believing

something's waiting to be found

So my hands reach out to hold me

and my arms pull myself in

and I lift my head another moment

I can't let the words cave in

I see myself waiting, I'm counting on me

I am my sole survivor

when you walked away

I was the only one left to walk in

Here is the echo of my body

and here are my faded hands

all that's left to look after me

I can't stand but I won't let myself down

©NC

And why

And why

does your face have to look so kind

and why can't I leave this mistake behind

why do your hands look like hands I could trust

why do you look like the man I've loved so very much

and why do your eyes look so kind

why do you stay on my mind

I want to rewind, I want to rewind

but even then..

I would only be climbing again toward this moment

it would all be hanging in the sky above me

and what could I do differently

how many more shapes could I have folded myself into

how much more hope could I create to cling to

It would be easier if your face looked the way you feel inside

full of misuse and mazes, excuses and adamant blame

And why

does your face have to look so kind

and why did my faith have to be so blind

and why can't I leave this mistake behind

and why does your embrace still haunt me

why does your sudden goodbye still taunt me

and why is my heart a sharp knot, a wide tangle

a thrown away mangle of sufferance

I want to unwind, I want to unwind

©N. C

It knows no time

It doesn't matter how many years pass or where you might be or what time of the day or night it is. It knows no time.

This love that still exists and roams the earth looking for you.

It's like a child, an animal, it doesn't understand that death means you're no longer here, you aren't coming home, it sits by the window, looking, waiting, hoping and sometimes I find the door open and it's gone, looking..

It knows no time, no matter that it's been 12 years, no matter if it's midnight, it will go searching and then suddenly bound back to my side, tug on my heart and say 'remember this?' And it places some loved, worn memory in my mind..

This morning, just after midnight, it was a birthday memory. The one where we were sitting outside the cottage at Mooloolah on a blanket, under the trees. You had given me the carved wooden sun and moon. And then you were standing and pulled me to my feet. You were half shy. You said 'Look, look.' Your arm was stretched downward. I thought you were pointing at the ground. I was looking at the grass. I couldn't see anything. 'I can't see anything' I said. You said 'Here, here.'

It was on your arm. The tattoo on your arm that you'd designed years before. In the empty scroll, you'd had my name tattooed there. "Now you're always with me.' you said.

I want that day again. I want those arms. I want to see my name on your arm again. I want to always be with you. I want you to be here. It knows no time.

Time doesn't heal all things. It just gives you distance. The moment I think of you or something reminds me or I remember something. Your laugh, the smell of your hair, the mornings how you would open your eyes, smile and pull me into you straight away. Your journal, the sound of your motorbike pulling into the drive.

Missing you.

It knows no time.